Life has changed immensely in the last six months….
Long gone are the days where I could sleep in and watch a movie in one sitting.
I am more reliant on coffee now than I ever was before
Not showering for (minimum) two days is the new norm
Washing my hair? Sure, but how about blow drying it and straightening it? Forget about it!
Our once minimalistic house has been taken over by a swing, jumparoo, play-gym and a bunch of toys that we dare not step on (ouch!). Our kitchen counter is crowded with bottles (baby bottles that is) and the laundry is never ending.
We have a new family member who now shares our bed- she’s cuddly and brings a lot of warmth & joy. She is graduating to her own room soon- We’re savouring the co-sleeping for as long as we can.
Whilst these changes are cute and home related- there also has been a lot of emotional and mental challenges.
I never knew I could be so emotional until after I had Aura. Seeing her cry can make me cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I even find myself feeling guilty for the silliest things and crying about it. Having a baby is truly like having your heart walking around outside of your chest. You become so emotional and protective of that little life of yours that your own tends to take a back seat.
Mentally- the past six months have really tested me. I have had moments in which I had such dark thoughts, I felt alone (even when I wasn’t), I felt like a failure, I felt like a bad mom and a bad wife too.
These moments were like a dark cloud, that I couldn’t seem to shake away.
Aside from some of the darker moments- I have been able to stay grounded and balanced by appreciating and focussing on the highlights & positive moments.
Seeing Auras first smile, first laugh, babbles, rolling, sitting up and seeing her develop her own little personality has LARGELY outshined the darkness.
I am so grateful for the past six months- the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between.
I also know that this is not the end of those days- for motherhood is not easy but it is the most rewarding job in the world.
Six months in – a Lifetime to go 🙂
