Truth be told – I am a people pleaser.
I have a VERY difficult time saying “no”.
I think it’s mainly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. A small part of me feels like I am being selfish when I say no and I never want anybody involved to think I’m rude, mean or a straight up b****.
Funny enough, throughout the course of my life I have encountered many people who have had no problem in saying ‘no’ to me.
Though I may have been upset at the time, I respected that they were confident and disarming enough to speak their mind – I wished that one day I could have the same courage to put myself first and skillfully do the same.
“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker
Here I am today- 29 years young… with only a handful of ‘no’s’ given out. Although I am documenting this- It is still something that I struggle with today.
My husband jokes that I have little hesitation when saying ‘no’ to him- yet I still find myself having a hard time saying no to others.
I don’t know what it is, maybe I’m afraid people won’t like me? Will they think I am something I’m not? Will I come off selfish? The truth is- I need to start saying no for myself, to protect my own energy.
This is my issue and I am the only one who can solve this. I am aware that I can’t sit around waiting and wishing for my life to calm down- I need to start prioritizing myself ASAP.
I only have a certain amount of time and energy and how I spent that is my own choice.
I find that putting my own goals first is difficult because it feels selfish and egoistical. On the flip side, no one benefits if I’m always giving everything I have when I am losing myself at the same time.
I am also finding that the more I give, the more people expect of me. It’s the classic tale of offering a helping hand only to discover that your whole arm has been taken, as well as both legs!
Here are some tips I have found for saying no- because clearly I haven’t mastered this yet! (source: http://tinyBuddha.com)
- Be direct, such as “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to.”
- Don’t apologize and give all sorts of reasons.
- Don’t lie. Lying will most likely lead to guilt—and remember, this is what you are trying to avoid feeling.
- Remember that it is better to say no now than be resentful later.
- Be polite, such as “Thanks for asking.”
- Practice saying no. Imagine a scenario and then practice saying no either by yourself or with a friend. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.
- Don’t say “I’ll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. This will just prolong the situation and make you feel even more stressed.
- Remember that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for other people.
